Blind Prophecy

I have a confession to make.

It’s somewhat shameful.

Let me set the stage…

The year was 2005, the month November. It was strange time, quite unlike today. The nation seemed lost in a quagmire of a war with no end in sight. Books and movies about a young wizard dominated much of the pop culture landscape. Top rated television shows included prime-time soap operas Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomyalong with any number of shows with the letters “CSI” in the title. Gay men were swooning over Jake Gyllenhaal and Ryan Reynolds while George Clooney released a political “thinker” film. Nothing like our modern world.

A young me was busy at work with the Sundance Film Festival (charmingly referred to as “Bob’s Event” in the days when I didn’t want my coworkers tracking me down online). My father was in the hospital with heart problems. It was a time of both constant business (as the official Sundance selections were coming out) and emotional trials (with family and friends).

As I found bits of time to do some holiday shopping, I often wandered through Wal-Mart late at night (no, that’s not the shameful confession) because it was open after midnight and close to home.

One night, while bargain hunting, I ran across a novelty album of some fame. The price was right ($1) and I figured “why not?”

Flash forward to today… this week I decided to get into the holiday spirit by setting my iPod to the genre “holiday music” (yes, even my iPod has joined the PC war on Christmas). Most of the music includes enjoyable winter favorites like “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” from Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classicsand “Christmas Time for My Penis” as sung by the Vandals. I also enjoy numerous versions of “O Holy Night” – which is the only overtly religious tune in the list and one of my all-time favorite pieces of music despite its propaganda.

But sadly, every few songs, I am yanked out of my holiday spirit by the abomination. The cause of my shame. The greatest mistake I’ve ever made…

A Dog’s Christmas – Holiday Songs with Dog Bark Sounds

Yes, dear reader, I bought that annoying album where sound engineers spliced together dog barks at various pitches into Xmas carols accompanied by ancient MIDI-sounding 1980s instrumentals. Not only did I buy the accursed album, I took the time to copy it to my iTunes and transfer it to my iPod. And in the two years since, I have made no effort to remove these atrocious tracks and purge my iPod of the evil.

Now you know. Don’t judge me too harshly.

Filed under: music by Jere Keys