Marry, F*ck or Kill
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009Take 2. Apparently last week’s game was too easy and everyone more or less just agreed with my picks. Let’s try it again with a harder choice to make. This week our theme is hateful beauty queens, in honor of California’s Supreme Court upholding Prop 8.
| Choice 1 | Choice 2 | Choice 3 |
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| Carrie Prejean “Marriage is good. There is something special about unions of husband and wife. Unless we bring men and women together, children will not have mothers and fathers.” |
Sarah Palin “I don’t support defining marriage as anything but between one man and one woman, and I think through nuances we can go round and round about what that actually means. I’m being as straight up with Americans as I can in my non-support for anything but a traditional definition of marriage.” |
Anita Bryant “As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.” |
To review the rules… You must choose one who you would spend the rest of your life with, one you would have a freaky-monkey one-night stand with, and one who you would put to death*. You tell me who you choose and why.
*standard disclaimer: we are anti-death penalty, we play this game as a thought exercise, not an endorsement of murder. Also, we are sex-positive and believe that two people can have crazy one-time sex without shame or emotional baggage. Finally, for the purposes of this game, we all live in marriage equality jurisdictions.
Since last week everyone just agreed with me, I’ll hold off on sharing my choices until next week.
Marry: Carrie Prejean. Because she deserves to be stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage.
F*ck: Anita Bryant. Because I think she just needed to get laid by someone who wasn’t her husband. And if she happened to get knocked up by a gay guy, all the better.
Kill: Sarah F*cking Palin. In a heartbeat. No hesitation.
Oh, that is so unfair. Could I have a pinch hitter? A straight boy who could help me out? Because I’m pretty sure none of them would agree to marry me because that would be same-sex marriage.
IF I was a boy, I’d choose the same way Rob did. Miss Cali is young enough I could probably deprogram her over the long term, Anita will die soon anyway (isn’t she old?) and Sarah, well, I fear that in a moment of insanity she’ll become your President so she has to go. Sorry Sarah.
Marry: Anita Bryant… she’s been stuck in a loveless relationship for the purpose of forwarding her own agenda for years, why not join in the fun?
F*ck: Sarah Palin… just to say I did.
Kill: Carrie Prejean. She just bores me.
Marry: Sarah Palin. Although I’d be first lad of Alaska, I’d try to get speaking engagements or go to fundraisers anywhere else.
F*ck: Carrie Prejean. She is pretty, and if I have see a naked woman, at least she’d be pretty. I’d still throw up, but I’m assuming that I would throwup less with her.
Kill: Anita Bryant. She’s really the only one of the three that has actively worked against our community. I’d probably do it with a poison-laced cream pie in her face.
Marry: Sexy Sarah because I think she is hilarious and would want a wife that made me LOL all the time.
Kill: Anita because although Sarah and Carrie suck, it seems Anita had the power to back up her hate and actually hurt the gay community moreso than the other chicks.
Hug: Carrie because she obviously needs a good hug and she’s the only one left.
Marry: Sarah Palin, only because that would get me closer to the ex-almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston, who is the only name I’m gonna mention that I’d really want to fuck. Hard. And often.
Fuck: Prejean, cause if I absolutely HAVE to fuck a woman, i guess I want her to be somewhat attractive. At least with her boob job, she’d have an uplifting bosom I could play with and not the sagging mommy bags the other two would have. My straight friends tell me big boobs are a plus, so I’ll defer to their experience.
Kill: Antia Bryant, as slowly and painfully as possible. She set back the gay rights movement by years if not decades. And if she’s dead, she can go onto to reward in the afterlife…I just hope she brings light clothing and fan, cause she’s gonna be very VERY hot where she’s going.
HUGS…
[...] choices from last week: Marry: Anita Bryant. She’s old enough that I will probably inherit her estate and I have no [...]