Marry, F*ck or Kill

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

This week’s game is inspired by Marc (although, he probably wanted me to feature all 3 Jonas bros and I’m a little creeped out by that j/k). Our theme this week is guys you find hot, but so does your tween niece… awkward. Sure they may be legal (or almost legal, or “it depends on which state you’re in and if you’re gay“), but it still feels a bit naughty. Sure some of them may claim virginal purity (Enrico, I’m sure Joe Jonas would also pretend to draw the line at holding hands), but their provocative photo shoots say “teach me the ways of sexual Nirvana, oh wise one.”

Choice 1 Choice 2 Choice 3
joe-jonas zac-efron tayler-lautner
Joe Jonas Zac Efron Taylor Lautner

To review the rules… You must choose one who you would spend the rest of your life with, one you would have a freaky-monkey one-night stand with, and one who you would put to death*. You tell me who you choose and why.

*standard disclaimer: we are anti-death penalty, we play this game as a thought exercise, not an endorsement of murder. Also, we are sex-positive and believe that two people can have crazy one-time sex without shame or emotional baggage. Finally, for the purposes of this game, we all live in marriage equality jurisdictions. This week only: We’re also going to pretend that today’s date is February 12, 2010 so that all three boys are unambiguously consenting adults.

My choices from last week:

Marry: Scott “Cyclops” Summers. He’s so my fantasy husband. He’s also a lot darker and sexier than the films give him credit for. Of course, I’m a dead man if I have to fight Emma Frost or Jean Grey for him.
F*ck: Remy/Gambit. According to cannon, he’s the stripper fantasy man of most of the X-verse. The accent may be a bit over-the-top, but I’m pretty sure that a former member of the thieves guild knows about using a light touch to hit those sensitive spots and strong force when appropriate.
Kill: Superman. Just to say I was the one who did it. Lex Luther can kiss my hairy, white ass. Also, he’s such a goody-two-shoes boy scout.

Filed under: games, unnecessary beefcake by Jere Keys

12 Responses to “Marry, F*ck or Kill”

  1. fixator, on June 10th, 2009 at 6:37 am Said:

    meh…kill all of em

  2. Polt, on June 10th, 2009 at 7:59 am Said:

    I’d say, to fixator, I’d f*ck them all. At once. :)

    Okay, well let’s get to playing the game then…

    Marry: Zac Efron. I think he has the most chance to have a long, successful and fruitful career, and thusly could keep me in the manner to which i could easly become accustomed. Plus, who wouldn’t want to get to bed every night for the rest of your life with that? :)
    F*ck: Taylor Lautner. I have no idea who he is, but with abs like that…well, I don’t NEED to know who he is to have hot, sweaty, decadent monkey sex with him.
    Kill: Joe Jonas. And his brothers. And all the pop music crappy ‘artist’ putting out pop music crap nowadays. I mean, yeah, he’s cute and all, but I detest everything he stands represents in the music industry. Die.

    I love this game! thanks for letting us play, jere!

    HUGS…

    Tam Reply:
    June 10th, 2009 at 8:36 am

    I think Taylor is in a Twilight movie but I’m too lazy to check. Sounds familiar though.

  3. Tam, on June 10th, 2009 at 8:00 am Said:

    Oh how fun:

    Marry: Zac, he’s cute and he’s got some earning potential

    F*ck: Taylor although he looks about 12. Eeeek.

    Kill: Joe, I’ve seen him in a unitard, that should be grounds enough. Annoying hair as well. His little brother though I’d swap out for Taylor.

  4. Wolfie, on June 10th, 2009 at 9:05 am Said:

    Marry – Zac!!

    Fuck – Joe. (With the lights off)

    Kill -Taylor

    I too love this game Jere! Brillant Idea.

    Can I ask a favor though. Can you wander over to B2S and read the March On Washington Post.

    http://www.back2stonewall.com/

    Thanks
    Wolfie

  5. Enrico, on June 10th, 2009 at 9:37 am Said:

    Marry: Zac – He’s the cutest of the three and seems super nice in real life. But I would have to get him a haircut…

    Hold Hands With: Taylor – His abs are nice (especially in more recent photos) but I don’t think he’s amazingly cute. Just more so than…

    Kill: Joe – Joe Jonas is just too gay for me. I like the more masculine gays.

    PRETEND?? So you’re carrying your Enrico teasing into a 2nd day?

    Polt Reply:
    June 10th, 2009 at 11:45 am

    “I like the more masculine gays”

    So opposites DO attract then, eh? Teehee…

    I KID, Enrickyricardo, I kid! I kid because I love! :)

    HUGS…

  6. Marc, on June 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am Said:

    I am honored to have inspired this Marry, F*ck, or Kill and I’m kind of glad it’s not all three Jonas brothers.

    Marry- Joe. It’s probably the only way to get him in bed anyway, but really, he seems the most mature of the three.

    F*ck- Zac. He is really hot, but in a “lets just do it” type of way. I can’t marry him with V. Hudgens always in the way.

    Kill- Taylor. Other than being the baby of the three, he’s in those Twilight movies and all those little girls would follow us around and that’d be annoying.

    Enrico Reply:
    June 10th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Is it sad that if all three were competing, I’d pick the youngest? lol. He’s the cutest, plus we could talk about Miley!

  7. Jesse Michael Nix, on June 10th, 2009 at 12:28 pm Said:

    Marry: Zac. I could still put my hands all over his body…..

    F*ck: Taylor. Not my type, but I’m not going to f*ck a Jonas brother.

    Kill: Jonas Brother. he’s not cute at all (and thus he must die).

  8. Polt, on June 10th, 2009 at 1:38 pm Said:

    Jere, you’ve labeled this “unnecessary beefcake”. IS there such a thing as “unnecessary” beefcake? :)

    HUGS…

  9. Blind Prophecy » Marry, F*ck or Kill, on June 17th, 2009 at 6:05 am Said:

    [...] choices from last week: Marry: Zac Efron. Of the three, he seems to be the most tolerable for long-term interaction. F*ck: [...]

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