Blind Prophecy

Because it’s June, it’s time for some well-meaning person to get some national queer media attention for writing that maybe its time to tone down and tame our Pride celebrations. This year it’s Cord Jefferson, a blogging generation member of the talking head class and rumored heterosexual. He writes:

The annual marches ultimately accomplish two things: They entertain those of us—gay and straight—who already wholeheartedly support the cause of equal rights for the LGBT community, and they feed into the rotten stereotypes of bigots, the same people who fear gay Boy Scout leaders and consider same-sex marriage “deviant.” The LGBT community has every right to claim its place in the civil rights struggle. But in such a politically important year for the gay community, perhaps it’s time for its members to start taking some cues from the civil rights movement of old. … Knowing that there are people—voters who have the power to deny them rights—who will judge them based on the flamboyance of their appearance in one parade, why hasn’t the gay community decided to tone down the pride festivals?

I would like to invite Cord Jefferson to the Cincinnati Pride Parade and Festival, where he will find the tamed down, inoffensive, wouldn’t-know-outrageous-if-she-slapped-it-with-her-dick Pride celebration of his dreams.

I suppose it’s unfair of me to compare Cincinnati Pride to San Francisco (my most recent previous Pride experience), I do always remind myself “you work with the community you have, not the community you wish you had.” Even so. The closest comparable Pride experience I’ve had in 12 years was Reno Pride 1997. It was our first.

So, even though no one asked for it, no one cares, and no one is likely to do anything with these, here are my ideas for improving Cincinnati Pride:

• Entertainment. It sucked. I don’t know what kind of blackmail the local drag queens have over the entertainment chair, but it can’t go on. Admittedly, I did not see all the entertainment, but I did catch two of the “headliners” – Jason Stuart (who is possibly the most unfunny comedian I’ve ever seen on stage) and Fredrick Ford (a “dancer, singer and model” with C-list dance/electronica credentials) – and I cite this evidence:
  
  So anyway, you’re never going to put together a line-up of entertainment that everyone agrees on. However, here are some basic hints: people want to rock… they don’t want to dance around like they’ve just taken E in the bright sunlight, stick to the rock bands; bring out the comedian only if you’re trying to clear the park (or you’re absolutely terrified of what will come out of her mouth, i.e. Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, etc.); hire a DJ to fill in between acts with popular (Top 40) music – never let the drag queen vamp for 15 minutes, she’s not as clever or interesting as she thinks; while rock music is your anchor, salsa bands/reggae/small jazz ensembles/modern dance troupes make for great variety throughout the day.
• The Parade. Firstly, I like the city’s little flag/color guard homo explosion. They’re fun and unexpected. If you stick them at the fucking beginning of the fucking parade, they need to walk more than 50 fucking feet before stopping for another two fucking minute routine when it’s over 90 fucking degrees at the end of the fucking route about two fucking miles down the road. This group arrived in Northside at 2:05 (the parade started at 1:00) and they made it to the end of their third block at 2:25. Next year, all their routines must be planned to include constant forward motion or breaks only at intersections. Secondly, I’m appalled that the city gives you a permit with the safety/crowd problems along Hamilton Avenue. A woman got run over this year. I saw people standing in the middle of the street throughout the parade. When the HRC came by with their giant gold bars flag, they had to chase people out of the lane just to get through. I know you don’t have enough volunteers and it doesn’t look like the police are terribly helpful, so here’s my recommendation – every float must supply one safety monitor for every eight people marching/riding with them. This person will be given a special shirt and will be trained and tasked with helping clear the streets and direct the crowd. Thirdly, and this is more for the marchers than the planners, if you want spectators to know who you are, put the banner or sign on big sticks and hold them in the air. If the name of your candidate/bar/group isn’t at least two feet higher than the average person’s head, only about 1/3 of the crowd will be able to see it. Also (fourthly?), get people of color involved. Seriously, this city is like 50% black, but I saw more people of color in Utah’s parade than in Cincinnati. Don’t go blaming “black homophobia” either, Cincinnati’s gay community has a moral obligation to start dealing with its racism whether or not this “black homophobia” exists.
• Layout. Parking the giant HIV-testing RV inside the park and parallel to Hamilton Avenue creates a horrible visual. It blocks the festival from the view of the average passerby. It makes the event feel “hidden” – which is the opposite of “proud.” My suggestion – the “food alley” area was woefully underused and a couple non-food booths and the RV might have made it more interesting. But I truly hope that you move to a location downtown next year for reasons I’ll explain in a minute.
• The Theme. Well, at this point, I guess the less said about it the better. And that seemed to be the attitude of 95% of the people you put on stage, the floats, the participants and the community as a whole. Next year, if you’re going to pick a theme with some controversy or a strong visual, use it. Encourage parade participants to use it. Hold a costume contest, create a mascot, tie it into the overall decor, just do something with it.
• The Message. More important than the theme, you’ve got to grow some balls and get a little political. I’m all for keeping the majority of Pride focused on fun and positive moods, but if you maybe peaked your head up beyond the horizon, you might see that there is a groundswell of national queer activism sweeping the country. Some concrete suggestions: an “open-mic” area where local politicians, activists, church leaders and grand marshals get to address the gathering. Sure, you should have low expectations for audience interest in this at first, but stick with it for three years and see what happens. Also, you need someone working the local media to ensure coverage – someone capable of talking about Pride in the context of larger issues (marriage equality, the Obama administration’s foot-dragging, the notable historic 40th anniversary of Stonewall, the local uptick in anti-gay hate crimes, etc.) – there’s no reason the media wasn’t all over the event.
• The Location. Having been in the room during some of the early discussion of the location, here’s what I expect will happen this year: “people seem to think we should move” “yeah, I hear that a lot” “there are a lot of advantages to moving downtown” “and a few disadvantages…” “that’s true” “plus, if we move out to the riverfront, we have to figure out things like a new parade route, a new layout, permits” “not to mention that it will confuse people” “and we should think of tradition…” and because it’s hard to change, Cincinnati Pride 2010 will be held in Hoffner Park. That said, here are five reasons it should move to the riverfront in downtown: it will force you to rethink everything and get out of stale ruts; it’s more public transit friendly; if you’re not within one block of three queer bars, you’ll hold a crowd better; you’ll have room to someday grow up into a city-sized Pride; and even if no one is downtown on Sunday, you’ll still get more visibility than being tucked away in Northside. You don’t have to flee Northside completely, maybe you can do a “family picnic” on Saturday afternoon and a dance in the park on Saturday evening.

Okay, I’m done. Having seen it, I’m more glad than ever that I didn’t stay involved in Cincy Pride, but that doesn’t mean I have bad feelings toward the people who got involved and did the planning. Hopefully, more people will volunteer for next year’s event.

Filed under: Cincinnati, Pride by Jere Keys