Blind Prophecy

Although I never said as much officially, for the last year, I’ve thought of Diggs as the unofficial mascot of Blind Prophecy. While I’ve decided he will always be the mascot in memoriam, it’s time to designate a new mascot who can help carry the blog forward.

Didn’t you realize that all the best blogs have mascots? Puntabulous has Felice (or Super Viagra, depending on who you ask), Hotel Tuesday has Richard Parker, Polt’s Palace has Emmett (down in the sidebar listed as “official pet,” although I think he’s still willing to take volunteers with hairthings for the position), Queerty has YouTube blog twink Davey Wavey, etc.

But the selection of a mascot is serious business, people.

“A good mascot has to be memorable. If it’s hard to identify or isn’t recognizable as something specific, it’s not going to do the job it’s supposed to. A mascot needs to stand for something. It needs to be more than just cute – it has to have a personality. Pro sports mascots are very much symbols of competitiveness and team spirit. With the Olympics, the competitiveness is certainly less aggressive. So the mascots tend to be much more in the spirit of sportsmanship and world camaraderie.”

Don Carter, creative director at Adams & Knight Advertising in Avon

So, to choose the new Blind Prophecy mascot we will be holding a reality show style competition to determine who is best suited to represent the blog.

Our contestants will be judged on five categories:

• Spirit
• Athleticism
• Character & Symbolism
• Creativity
• Popularity

Now, this is not a democracy, it’s a cheerocracy. And I’m the cheertator. So I’ll be judging the first four categories. However, as we move through the contest, you get to vote, America (and Canada, and the one reader who consistently accesses my site from Egypt)! You can leave comments and suggestions as to who you believe should win each challenge and try to sway my ultimate decision.

But who, exactly, will be competing for the title of Blind Prophecy Mascot? Let’s meet our contestants:

Toby Dog
Toby Dog dates back to my childhood. Adopted as a Cabbage Patch Pet during the tail end of the Cabbage Patch craze, Toby is all innocence and love. He’s a good Mormon boy who may be more than a little naive, but he has a strong work ethic and never wants to let anyone down or hurt their feelings. He’s also cute and has floppy Zac Efron hair. Asked about his chances to win, Toby Dog said, “Well, that depends on who does the voting. I think I’ve got a lock on the Christian vote and that was enough for Kris Allen to win his contest, right?”

Gay Moose
Gay Moose is really gay. No, gayer than that. Like so gay he’s done the musical version of that really gay thing your really gay friends do. Don’t mistake his obsessive infatuation with pop culture for shallowness, though, as he has survived a lot of bullshit from haterz in his time and he’s stronger, smarter and more determined that you would suspect. Gay Moose hails from the North (somewhere in the Alaska-Canada border region) and may be Sarah Palin’s “gay friend” because he knows everyone. Asked if he had a strategy to the game, Gay Moose replied, “Imma be like a certain dee-VA who everyone was ready to write off, but even with all the haterz, she pushed forward and made some of the best music of her life. Thatz right, Imma go Barbra Streisand on this contest.”

Elle is for Lizard
Elle is for Lizard isn’t a nice mascot. In fact, she’s about the meanest mean girl/lizard since before Lindsay Lohan was a lesbian. But before you peg her as the villain, Elle isn’t out to hurt people’s feelings just for the fun of it (well, not usually), she just tells it like she sees it. Cynical, calculating, cunning and subtle, Elle is usually thinking three steps ahead of everyone else. She doesn’t suffer fools for long, but she’s not such a poor strategist as to reveal everything she thinks, either. Her first impression of the competition? “Yeah, Doggy Osmond doesn’t have a chance and the queer deer–are those fucking fairy wings?–will be distracted every time a shirtless twenty-something walks by. I’ve got this thing in the bag.”

Leave your first impressions in the comments below and check back next week when we have our first challenge for the contestants. We’ll continue on for 2 or 3 more weeks or until I become bored with this and announce a winner.

Filed under: blogging meta, mascot contest by Jere Keys