Marry, F*ck or Kill
Wednesday, June 24th, 2009Since last week’s selection of talented, sexy, out Broadway guys were depressingly unknown, I’ve decided the only possible follow-up is to go in the complete opposite direction: over-exposed pop stars.
| Choice 1 | Choice 2 | Choice 3 |
 |
 |
 |
| Taylor Swift | Fergie | Lady Gaga |
To review the rules… You must choose one who you would spend the rest of your life with, one you would have a freaky-monkey one-night stand with, and one who you would put to death*. You tell me who you choose and why.
*standard disclaimer: we are anti-death penalty, we play this game as a thought exercise, not an endorsement of murder. Also, we are sex-positive and believe that two people can have crazy one-time sex without shame or emotional baggage. Finally, for the purposes of this game, we all live in marriage equality jurisdictions.
My choices from last week:
This is a tough week for me, because I truly adore all three gentlemen. But this game is ruthless.
Marry: Gavin Creel. I just get the impression that we would still be able to have a civil conversation and probably even still like each other when we’re in our 80s.
F*ck: Nick Adams. Sorry, Nick, you seem really sweet on your blog and twitter and all the other places I stalk you, and I don’t want to be another guy exploiting you for your body, but y’know.
Kill: John Tartaglia. Again, sorry, John. Stiff competition and all that. I’ll try to make it quick and painless.
Marry: Taylor (I guess? She seems cute). Eff: Fergie (I bet she’s really good). Kill: Gaga (I can’t stand her).
Okay, let’s see…
Marry: Fergie, cause I think she’s gonna have the biggest longest most lucrative career and therefore she’ll have lots of money and can buy me things.
Kill: Lady Ga-Ga. I do NOT get her or her music and just want her to go away.
F*ck: I guess that leaves Taylor Swift, not that I’d really wanna f*ck her, but she’s the only one left.
HUGS…
Marry: Taylor Swift. I love her music. I think she’s super talented and really pretty (and the only pretty one of the three!) And she’s definitely the one with the most lucrative career (not Fergie) since she sold like 3 billion CDs last year.
Date: Fergie. I also really liked her solo CD, but she’s not pretty and the BEP music sucks so I wouldn’t want to marry her and have to hang out with the other members of the BEP or even worse, their manager, who may punch me in the face if I upset the wife.
Kill: Lady Gaga. Now HERE is an actually overexposed pop star. I don’t understand what’s so great about her. I think “Poker Face” is slightly catchy, but otherwise her songs are generic pop songs. Plus, I saw her in an interview and she was being SO nasty to the interviewer, which drives me crazy.
Tough one this week.
Marry: Taylor Swift – she’s cute and she might have a long career and be able to support me in my old age. This would probably be more of an adoption situation given her age.
F*ck: Fergie I guess – I don’t really like her but she’d probably be pretty freaky in bed.
Kill: Lady Gaga – she’s weird.
Marry: Taylor Swift cuz I know she’s like me and writez obsessively about those she is in love with/those that break her heard. It would be a constant poetry workshop!
Fuck: Lady Gaga cuz all those plastic bubbles she wears could double as a million condoms so I don’t any of the crabz you know she’s harvesting down there.
Kill: Fergie. Bye-bye MethFace
[...] choices from last week: I don’t care. Really, being forced to marry or f*ck any of these pop tarts would be torture, [...]
Marry: Taylor Swift because she is super cute, seems very sweet, blonde, nice, and pretty. I love country girls. Really what’s not to love about her?
Fuck: Lady Gaga. She seems like lots of fun.
Kill: Fergie. Someone has to go.