Speculatin’ about Palin
Sunday, July 5th, 2009Since Sarah Palin’s lawyers are threatening to sue media outlets who speculate about why Caribou Barbie really quit, I want in on that action.
So, here are my unfounded theories about why she really threw a big temper tantrum and decided to quit:
- Six months ago, while putting lipstick on a pig for an attack ad, Sarah Palin was the first to transmit swine flu to humans. Sanjay Gupta is on to her and about to break the story.
- Sex tape with some guy named “Eskimo Bubba” about to go viral.
- Even with the decline of print journalism, governing simply ate up too much of her time for reading newspapers, since she famously reads “all of them.”
- Converting to Islam.
- This will free her up in time for that Dancing with the Stars: Ex-Governors Edition featuring Rod Blagojevich (IL), Jim McGreevey (NJ), Eliot Spitzer (NY), Mark Sanford (SC) and (look for the scandal that will free him up before 2010) Arnold Swartenegger (CA)!
- Tell-all book from former Miss Alaska judge about to spill beans on the secret of her nickname (“they called her barracuda because she’d swallow anything!”).
- Resigning? What? No, you clearly misunderstood. On Tuesday, she’ll give a speech where she clarifies that this crazy rumor that she’s quitting the governorship is a crazy lie made up by the elite liberal media.
- You heard her talking about having a “higher calling” … get ready for Pope Sarah!
What are your theories?
Lol at “all of them.” One of her finest moments.
I tried to watch her resignation speech but had to stop when she started talking about how she is like a basketball player.
I think it’s cause she’s nuts. YouBETcha!
HUGS…
Have you read the transcript?
“Hi Alaska, I appreciate speaking directly TO you, the people I serve, as your Governor.”
- Thanks for capitalizing “to.” Otherwise, I might have got confused and thought that you were talking from or through the people.
“We’re strategic IN the world as the air crossroads OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the continent.”
- I’m sorry that I went to Ireland through Atlanta instead of Anchorage. And thanks for the ongoing emphasis of prepositions.
“*((Gotta put First Things First))*”
- Seriously? Double parentheses and asterisks? There comes a point when sarcasm just isn’t possible.
“I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? ”
- Is she surprised by this?
Jere Keys Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 1:08 am
I tried to read the transcript and gave up before it wrecked my brain.
Why is poor capitalization and punctuation endemic in fundamentalist Christians?
This was my favorite…
“Life is too short to compromise time and resources… it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: “Sit down and shut up”, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.”
I believe she just said stying would be the quitters way out…then quit…right..wow…maybe Katie Couric could make some sense of this!
Good ridance…But I’m sure she will now be a very wealthy woman.