Blind Prophecy

Like all of you, I’m sure, I’ve been mostly unable to tear myself away from the Sotomayor confirmation hearings over the last three days. I have learned many fascinating things. Primarily, I have learned that Republican Senators are cranky, ridiculous, privileged, old, white men with less awareness of minority concerns and tone appropriateness than a chihuahua joke and dumber than a bag of Sarah Palin.

Now, I may not be a wise Latina (I wish!), but I’m pretty sure that if I’m ever faced with Senate confirmation hearings, the Republicans are going to have seizure-like fits over my record. That’s the danger, I suppose, of blogging and occasionally working as a spokesman for various organizations and causes. Nevertheless, I wonder which of my comments would cause the biggest fuss? Would it be something related to atheism and my occasionally less-than-charitable comments on religion? One of my angry editorials about anti-LGBT discrimination? My clearly articulated positions in favor of marriage equality, reasonable gun regulation, affirmative action, and abortion? One of my occasional overshares about my own sex life or simply my willingness to learn more and support people involved in polyamory, fetish/BDSM, sex work, and non-monogamous cultures? I’m sure there are many, many damning skeletons in my closet.

Hell, we’d probably run into our first hiccup when they asked me to take the oath at the beginning of the hearing: “Do you solemnly swear that the testimony you will give before this Committee on the Judiciary of the United States Senate will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” “No, I swear no oath and recognize no god, but I will gladly affirm such on my honor.”

Watching Senators Sessions, Kyl, and Graham work themselves up into a frenzy of righteous indignation over Sotomayor’s steady, moderate, and relatively uncontroversial remarks about diversity of perspective or her association with a civil rights group… well, I almost wish it were me up there instead. I’m pretty sure that they’d be purple with rage and dropping dead of heart attacks. And that would please me.

Okay, poodles, fess up… what would keep you from making it through a confirmation hearing intact? Do you think you’ve kept your nose clean enough to meet the standards of the U.S. Senate?

Filed under: politics by Jere Keys