Marry, F*ck or Kill

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Sorry about last week. It’s been a busy time. Between Pride and Kagan madness, I haven’t had much time for the bloggy lifestyle.

Because I’m spending the week with the Senate Judiciary Committee, this week’s contest will be the crusty old white men asking stupid questions of Elena Kagan.

Choice 1 Choice 2 Choice 3
Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona. Just when you thought racism couldn’t get any racismer, Kyl doubles down on attacking civil rights legend and brilliant legal mind Thurgood Marshall. I expect that tomorrow he’ll suggest Kagan is unAmerican for once driving a car made by “the Orientals” or something. Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama. He’s terrified of the gays and how they make fragile military recruiters feel like second class citizens. Once complained about people who “would rather defend the Constitution than protect our nation’s security.” … supporting and defending the Constitution … I guess everyone complains about having to do their jobs. Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Poster boy for gayface. Now I’m not saying this unmarried Southern gentleman is a homosexual, but I am saying that when I heard him use the word “probative” I giggled.

To review the rules… You must choose one who you would spend the rest of your life with, one you would have a freaky-monkey one-night stand with, and one who you would put to death*. You tell me who you choose and why.


Bonus Round: Based on his tie selection for the hearings, which category would you place bipartisan-curious Senator Arlen Specter in?

*standard disclaimer: we are anti-death penalty, we play this game as a thought exercise, not an endorsement of murder. Also, we are sex-positive and believe that two people can have crazy one-time sex without shame or emotional baggage. Finally, for the purposes of this game, we all live in marriage equality jurisdictions.

My picks from last time:
Marry: Kristin. Sure, I like a bit of lezzie vibe in any girl I marry.
Fuck: Rutina. She’s hot. For a girl.
Kill: Anna. Ruined Rogue in the X-men movies. Not that interesting on True Blood.

ETA: For those who might be influenced by such things, Sen. Lindsey Graham said this week: “I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men – I’m sure hundreds of ‘em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge – but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”

Filed under: games, politics by Jere Keys

10 Responses to “Marry, F*ck or Kill”

  1. Tam, on June 30th, 2010 at 7:22 am Said:

    Holy crap Jere. I don’t know anything about American politics.

    Well,

    Marry: Lindsey because you didn’t have anything bad to say about him really.
    F*ck: I just can’t. I can’t do either of them. But I’ll let Lindsey’s boyfriend join us.
    Kill: The other two idjits.

    Mr. Specter: I’d pay to get him a nose job. What a honker.

    Jere Reply:
    June 30th, 2010 at 7:43 am

    Tam – Sister Lindsay is a hot mess. He is a southern Republican from South Carolina, so he has stated positions in favor of banning adoption by gay people, in favor of amending the US Constitution to outlaw same-sex marriage, stopping the use of race in college admissions as a way to promote better diversity and demographically representative student bodies, and never saw a bill making it harder to get an abortion he didn’t like. Believe it or not, this means he is a “moderate Republican” who has daringly acted on the assumption that global warming might be real and admits that elections have consequences such as Democrat Presidents nominating liberal Justices. As such, he is hated by the truly right-wing crazies.

    Tam Reply:
    June 30th, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Oh, well, then I’m going with Polt’s suggestion. Ugh. We have some wacky politicians but if they are THAT right wing they keep their mouths shut.

  2. Polt, on June 30th, 2010 at 8:28 am Said:

    Okay, Jere, I’m sorry, but I simply cannot play along this time. I am not attracted to guys twenty years older than me. I am not attracted to Republicans. And I am not attracted to idiots (although that may be synonymous with my second statement).

    I say kill all three. F*ck a twenty year old intern from each of their offices. And Marry you, cause you and I could have political discussions the rest of our lives together. :)

    HUGS….

    Tam Reply:
    June 30th, 2010 at 10:11 am

    I wanna be a bridesmaid, but no hats and no hoop skirts.

    john Reply:
    June 30th, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Oooo, a proposal! That is going to be some bachelor party.

    Michelle M. Reply:
    July 4th, 2010 at 6:08 am

    If Tam gets to be a bridesmaid, so do I.

    And I would like to add, no butt bows.

  3. The Ryan with the Cupcake, on June 30th, 2010 at 10:13 am Said:

    Kill Sessions. Anyone who makes Sen. Shelby the second worst senator from Alabama doesn’t have much to recommend him.

  4. josh, on July 1st, 2010 at 9:41 pm Said:

    Fudge: Sessions, cuz he’s the fittest.

    Kill: Graham cuz he looks like a lesbian and I ain’t into woman parts.

    Marry: The other guy by default, but after he kissed me at the alter and I became his husband, I would run away and marry Milo Ventimiglia instead.

  5. Michelle M., on July 4th, 2010 at 6:08 am Said:

    I guess I’m going with kill them all again.

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