I came out to myself and my close friends in the summer of 1996.
It was September 1996 when President Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law.
My entire life as an out gay man has been involved in this struggle, the fight for marriage equality.
In 2000 I became a professional homosexual, working first with queer youth, then on the Nevada “No on 2″ Campaign, fighting unsuccessfully to keep discrimination out of the Nevada Constitution. In 2001-2002, I remained on the board of Equal Rights Nevada, continuing the “No on 2″ fight.
In November of 2003, I editorialized and celebrated the Massachusetts Judicial Supreme Court ruling, although the east coast seemed as foreign to me then as Europe or Asia.
In February 2004, I tuned in daily for news coverage of the amazing events in San Francisco after the dashing mayor Gavin Newsom ordered city officials to issue same-sex marriage licenses in violation of state law.
In October 2004, I moved to Utah just as the voters overwhelmingly chose to amend the state consitution to ban gay people from marriage or any other form of legal recognition.
Then I moved to California, where I live today. Where I lived yesterday, May 15, 2008, when the news broke that the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on same-sex marriage.
And it’s a game-changer, folks, for many reasons. Unlike Massachusetts and it’s archaic residency rules rooted in racist laws, California doesn’t have any limits on who can get married and from which states. The reason for the Justices’ decision, applying the strict scrutiny doctrine instead of rational basis, is significant in setting legal precedent (and has implications far beyond marriage equality within California). It’s often repeated, because it’s largely true, that as California goes, so goes the nation. There will be important and potentially national implications from the lawsuits coming out of this decision (who do you want picking the next Supreme Court Justices?).
So what’s my point? Why this rambling personal history?
Yesterday and today, I saw something remarkable. In the faces of my friends and coworkers and strangers and acquaintances, I saw a happiness and joy that is new.
Have you ever been given a new prescription for glasses that was much different from your last prescription? Do you remember putting on those new glasses for the first time and thinking “so that’s what it’s supposed to look like? I had forgotten.”? Or maybe you’ve been given a raise and for the first time you have money left in your bank account when the next check comes. Or maybe you’ve suddenly found medicine that effectively treats a long-standing medical issue? Or had surgery to correct a problem you’ve suffered for a long time?
For me, for so many of us, it’s like we’ve suddenly been healed of a wound we didn’t know we had. Really.
As well-adjusted and proud of my sexual orientation as I am… as mentally healthy and filled with self-esteem as any of are… there’s a subtle internalized hurt that comes when the law does not recognize you as a full citizen. Anyone who belongs to a group that has been disenfranchised knows what I’m talking about, or would if they examined themselves closely. Yesterday, the California Supreme Court gave hundreds of thousands of queer people an official “hey, you’re okay” that has been long overdue.
Even though I’m not in a relationship now, even though I’m not sure I ever want to get married (legal or no), even though I suspect the legal and cultural fight is long from over… there’s a simple and heartbreaking joy in my soul today. I’ve seen the people celebrating in the Castro, I’ve seen the images from Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, and beyond as emotions have ranged from open weeping with joy to ecstatic displays of happiness.
And it simply boggles the mind that anyone wants to take that away.
I can’t understand the cruelty, the lack of basic human empathy, and the willful blindness it takes to see such expressions of love, or to be near and to sense the change in dignity and emotion, and not to be moved. I don’t understand people of faith who see queer folks experiencing such transformational bliss and dismiss it as disgusting or evil or a threat to society. What unhappiness stains their souls that they cannot share in this feeling? What jealousy corrupts their lives that they cannot be happy for the love and dignity and gladness of others?
I went to work this morning as I do most mornings. Even us professional homosexuals had to punch in this morning. I still had to deal with office politics and disappointments, I still had deadlines crashing down around me. The day was too hot and we kept the lights off in the office to keep the heat down. I had to squeeze in a few hours of study before my next LSAT diagnostic tomorrow.
On the surface, nothing much has changed.
But I know that as early as June 14, I could meet a boy and say, “have you ever just wanted to be crazy impulsive and get married to a stranger?” And somehow, it makes a world of difference.
p.s. If anyone forgot, May 15 was also the anniversary of Rev. Jerry “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals” Falwell’s death. Is it too soon to declare May 15 an official queer holiday?
Posted: May 16th, 2008 under personal, queer rights.
Comments: 2
