Scene 1
Our hero prepares for his voyage to the city near the pestilent lake. A television set, barely watched during packing, issues dire warnings.
Anchor: Travellers Beware!!! Weather problems!! Lines of doom!!! New restrictions at security checkpoint!!!
Me: Oh, okay. {sets alarm clock an hour earlier than planned}
End scene 1.
Scene 2
Our hero sleeps peacefully.
Alarm Clock: BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEmotherfuckingEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Me: Oh, okay. {gets up, showers, packs remaining toiletries}
End scene 2.
Scene 3
Our hero departs. He approaches the bus stop that will carry him and his heavy luggage to the BART station.
Bus: Look, he’s coming. Go, GO, GOOOO! See ya, sucker!
Me: Oh, okay. {Starts walking the 1/3 mile distance to BART station}
End scene 3.
Scene 4
Our hero arrives at the BART station.
BART marquee sign: You just missed it. The next train to the airport will be here in 12 minutes. No wait, let’s make that 8. Ha, just kidding, 25.
Me: Motherfucker. {begins to panic}
End scene 4.
Scene 5
Our hero arrives at San Francisco International Airport.
Brain: You heard the news, lines of doom! No time to smoke. No time to wait. Run, hurry!
Southwest Ticket Counter: Hi, welcome to our line. As you can see, there isn’t one. Please step right up and be helped by the amazingly friendly counter agent.
Me: Oh, okay.
Brain: It’s a trick! You’ve still got to make it through security.
Security: Hello, fine traveller. We’v enoticed that you, and all the people before you in line, are surprisingly well prepared for this. None of you have packed prohibited items that will cause us to get into an argument. You all know the jacket-and-shoes drill. And you all seem to be willing to let people cut around you if it’s taking a little longer than you expected to remove your laptop from it’s bag. As a reward, we’re going to open yet another metal detector line even though none of the already-open lines have more than 4 people in them. Step right this way.
Me: Oh, okay.
Southwest gate agent: Dear travellers, I regret to tell you that our flight has been delayed by half an hour. And since we have this new boarding procedure, there’s really no reason for any of you to be here yet. Why not go shop or buy a day pass for interet access, because you now have at least 90 minutes to kill. I’ve already checked, none of you will miss your connecting flights in Las Vegas, so relax and enjoy.
Brain: Get me coffee.
Me: Oh, okay.
End scene 5.
To be continued…?
Posted: December 17th, 2007 under travel, utah.
Comments: none
